You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
