Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
