when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
