I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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