drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
