Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
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I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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