i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
