Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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