I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
