Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
