R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
God, I missed his penis.
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