? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
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My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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