Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
