I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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