i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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