Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
