She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
