tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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