you turned your livingroom into a bong?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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