Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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