even my farts smell like vagina
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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