He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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