I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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