I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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