This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
