i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
