Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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