Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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