3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
