I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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