why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
