i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Come see our sink grown plant.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize