So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
