i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
