Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
