she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
BRING THE BAGELS
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
