If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
