When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
