Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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