who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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