I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
