She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Everyone says I win the strip club
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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