you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
