Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
