I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
