I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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