Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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