a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
