It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Semen is not good for contacts.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
