i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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