This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
