I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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