Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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