Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
