This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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