You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
