My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
