Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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