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Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
