I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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