Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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