But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
