Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
