If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
