I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
