You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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