question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
