ya dads aren't the best wingmen
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
