God, you're like boner-b-gone
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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